On the way home from Kira's half day of school yesterday, she proudly announced that she had "made Maya." I followed up quickly with the question, "You made Maya? Then what part did God have in her creation?" Kira
answered, " No mom, not made like that. Like we are friends again. I told her that I liked her coat and we are nice friends again." Oh, Kira had made up with Maya. Maya is one of the girls in her class that Kira constantly talks about. On day, Kira came home and told me how she and Maya were sitting in the back at story time. Before the story started, a boy that Maya is friends with outside of school told her to come up to the
front and sit with him. Maya said to move up front with her, but Kira saw that there was no room for them and would not go. Yes, Kira talks about other kids in her class, at her table, who she plays with at recess and who she eats lunch with. So I know that there
are kids in her class named Hanna, Fred, Aurora, Hailey, Amanda,
Annika, Stephanie, and William.
Now this in combination with thoughts that Patrick had brought up earlier (how do we know when Kira will be allowed to play with kids from school? We don't know their parents. Will they live up to our expectations of discipline? Will they show our child a Godly example? Will Kira eat junk food the entire time she is over there?) has pushed me into wondering about this new stage of parenting. Kira has been in a world that we have created for her: a nice safe little bubble that we choose how big it is, contents of the bubble and who we allow into this bubble. Now she is off to school: a place where she will be receiving birthday invitations and play date invites from kids that we have not chosen to be with Kira, but they are in her life none-the-less. We have chosen and enrolled Kira into an educational program where she will be with the same 52 students for her entire
pre-college education. That means 13 years of the same friends who will become more like siblings, and their parents who will
inevitably be part of our lives too.
Now is the time for us to get to know the other parents. We are attending school functions and trying to meet the other parents. Some of them have older kids who are in the program already and they have forged alliances with the parents of the older sibling's friends. Some parents are from the same neighborhood and therefore carpool with others. Still another group of parents stand outside the warm-up room for 20 minutes before the end of school just to chat with the other parents. With 4 kids in tow under the age of 2, you can imagine that I am not part of the last group. I have had occasions where my kids were picked up early or someone was sick so I only had Phoenix. I have met a few of the parents who seem so nice, and they told me how much their child talks about Kira and how they
played together. However while they are talking I sometimes find my mind wandering. (Imagine that... me
over thinking an issue and analyzing it until it turns into a mere single celled organism. Another story, another time.) I think about what kind of parent they are and what would it be like if we let Kira go play at their house. Do they supervise enough? Do they let their kids talk back? How much junk food is in the house that the kids have free access to? What kind of respectful (or lack thereof) marriage relationship will they display before Kira? What kind of words or phrases might Kira learn from their child or older sibling? How much TV are they allowed to watch? What kind of TV shows?
And then I stop. I know that they have got to be wondering at least some of these same things about me and the future with our kids playing and learning together. This is when I must remind myself to have faith. Have faith in God, in Kira, in the way that we are raising her, in what we are teaching her, in the fact that Kira has personality traits to strengthen her in tough situations, and in the fact that we talk to Kira. I know that no one will be us; no one will be "good enough" to take our place, but I am not looking for someone to take our place. I am meeting my daughter's friends'/classmates' parents. They love their kids. They will take care of Kira like their own when she is playing with them. Of course, this does not mean that we let Kira just go to
any one's house and play because they ask. We will have conversations with the parents, possibly go to these birthday parties and play dates with Kira. We will see the parents at school functions and chat with them. And we will continue to pray that Kira is the person who God wants her to be, that we are the parents who can raise her to serve and love God, and that God will make up for the places we lack in our parenting ability and failing examples. Kira already shows a desire to place Christ's example above her own wants and behaviors (not all of the time, but it is a great starting place.)
We will continue to allow Kira to venture out into that great big world of school. Of course, we will still discuss her school day with her and help her learn what was good about her day and what could have been better. We will continue to talk about her choices and how they are hers alone with consequences that she will bear. She is becoming more independent everyday, which is a good thing (to a point.) She is
after all, one of tomorrow's adults.
